Confessions
by SpencerHa
Summary: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is tormenting Aria's life since she shot Shana and its getting to much for her to handle, the guilt is killing her, and she can't confess.
1. Chapter 1

I couldn't deal with the lies anymore. I had to tell someone that I killed Shana, and I just can't handle it on my own anymore. The image of her on the floor in that theatre repeats over and over again in my head, like a broken cassette tape. The pool of claret blood that circled her body haunted me every time I saw the colour red. "Ezra?" I mumbled, some part of me hoped he wouldn't hear me, and he would just carry on writing his book

"Yeah" he turned his head away from the typewriter for the first time in two hours

"I need to err tell you something and you have to help me..." tears filled my eyes as I tried to fathom all my thoughts, what if Ezra reported me to the cops? I'd get what I deserved but what if it dragged the others into it? what if he didn't love me anymore if I told him?

"What is it, is something wrong?"

"I…er… I need help writing my English essay" I babble, I couldn't confess to murdering someone to Ezra, he would never forgive me, "its er- its pretty embarrassing but its on.. er Of Mice and Men, and about the development of Curley's wife's promiscuity and the treatment of women in the book and… I just can't get my head around the-"

"Of Mice and Men isn't on the Rosewood High syllabus? Aria, what's going on?" he stood up from the chair and sat next to me on the couch, slowly brushing my hair behind my ears,

"I just really don't want to be alone tonight" I pushed my head onto his chest "can I stay here tonight? My dad's just being annoying with the whole you and me thing and Mike-" suddenly I wasn't speaking, Ezra put his finger under my chin and lifted my head up and pressed his lips softly against mine until I suddenly felt calmer, and like the world was at peace. I wish this kiss could last forever.

"Do you need to call your Dad and tell him?" he asked, reaching for the landline, but I shook my head; I can't speak to him right now, not after the divorce and the New York incident, he acted worried but I knew he wasn't, because he hadn't realised that I was gone. "Okay while its getting late and I have to sub tomorrow, do you have any classes?"

"No, I'm not feeling too good so I'm just going to call in sick" I looked at the floor, shuffling my feet out of my boots and kicking them off at the foot of Ezra's bed "I'll be fine, I just need some rest"

"Okay" he kissed my forehead and returned to his typewriter "I'm just going to finish this chapter and I'll join you, okay"

I nodded, and threw myself into the bundle of unmade sheets and wiggled my pants off, pulled my shirt over my head and replaced it with one of Ezra's oversized shirts that smells of macaroni and cologne. Slowly I put my head on Ezra's pillows and I could finally breath again. But peace can't last forever.


	2. Chapter 2

4:33am. My eyelids felt like they were pinned open as the sound of the typewriter reverberated in my head, each tick was another second I hadn't slept. I could smell the coffee and cigarettes from all the way across the apartment, and I could hear the exhausted sighs that Ezra gave off every three seconds, he'd been doing this for the last two hours. Slowly I wandered over towards him, the apartment floor was like ice under my feet, "Ezra?" I asked softly, his hair was like a bush had sprouted on his head and huge bags hung under his eyes, you could see the tiredness on her face.

"I can't do it," he sighed, not turning away from the typewriter, "I can't write it, I thought I could but I can't! I've put four years into this story and it took over my life and there is no point to it anymore", he looked viciously at the typewriter, like he blamed the typewriter for his inability to write, his eyes were filling with tears and his voice croaked with every syllable,

"Come to bed! You'll feel better in the morning, I promise" I turned and started to lead the way back to bed but Ezra didn't stop staring at the typewriter, like he was trying to use telekinetics to write his book "Ezra, you've been writing that one chapter for three hours, and so far you've gotten seven words, and 50 crumpled up pieces of paper in the trash can, I love you and that is why you need to sleep" I was almost in tears too, I wiped a line of snot from my nose as Ezra sniffed, then nodded and then trudged his way towards the bed. He pulled his shirt cautiously over his head while he was walking revealing his gunshot wound in his left abdomen, then he just threw himself into the pile of covers.

"Sorry" he said, his eyes were closed and he looked peaceful,

"What for?"

"For lying to you" he had a sympathetic tone to his voice, which I appreciated considering the fact that he was half asleep while he was talking

"Its okay" I smiled goofily at him

"I love you" he yawned, and the most unattractive facial expression danced across his face, with his eyes and mouth completely out of proportion and his nostrils flared. When his mouth opened the smell of coffee and cigarettes hit me one last time. I kissed his forehead gently and then all I could hear was the deep breathing of him sleeping. I put my hand on his face and cautiously traced each detail of his face while he slept, each crease and dot of stubble and each line and each facial feature, and all I could think was how much I wanted to draw him, or how much i wanted to draw in general. I glanced at the electric clock on Ezra's bedside table 5:00am, I have an hour before the alarm will go off. Another hour where my eyes are heavy yet it feels impossible to close them, because every time I closed my eyes all I saw was Shana's body. I couldn't get it out of my head and it just kept becoming worse and worse. I was worried I would never get over this, or A would find out and make my life a living hell.. not like it wasn't already.


End file.
